to be or not to be a disciple?

I have always been a strong believer in anything to do with future predictions.. from palm reading to tarot cards.. to crystal balls and to any other fortune telling methods that have had exist.. any forms of fortune telling.. I am a total disciple into this.. I am superficial.. I want to know what is best to do or to be done for my future.. and often times, whatever that has been predicted or assumed is never like what I have been expecting.. and these are the moments where it truly condemned me.. it feels like I have been jinx.. it feels like a myth..

Back in my hometown, there's this lady who's well-known with her precision in fortune telling.. many of my family members and relatives pop in time by time.. she lives in some kampung area nearby to my grandmother's place.. her house is really shabby like a run-down one.. it gives you that some kind of chill whenever you step into her mansion.. like those chill you get from horror movies.. walls were made out from some wooden plank with fungus growing on it.. the floor were fully unevenly covered with cement.. the roof were plainly covered with zinc.. and when there's a heavy breeze, you can hear the doors and windows screeching..

I stepped in with full of anxiety for the very first time.. once you entered from the main door.. you will pass through the living hall and stepping onto the cold craggy floor.. then it leads you to a room.. a room where she does all the readings.. the room only have few chairs.. wooden and plastic ones.. there's a table where she does her reading.. normally we will go in together and take turns for the reading.. then you will sit on a stool right next to her table.. she will then ask for your age and your Chinese zodiac.. then she will take out a set of tarot cards.. the cards were really really old.. with yellow stains on it.. and folded lines everywhere..

Then she will ask that particular person to shuffle the cards.. she then placed it on her table and start telling you all her predictions.. the first time I went to her, I had the shocked of my life.. I have never seen her not talk to her ever before.. but when she start reading the cards that I have shuffled, she could just tell me my past, present and my future.. that time I was still with my ex.. she verbally described him from his physical appearance to his attitude and his character.. I still remember that time when she mentioned that my relationship with him will have and end to it.. I teared up at that very moment.. I believed what she has said.. I totally believed her..

That was about 2 years ago.. the first and my last visit to her.. but this morning, my mum just told me that she went and visited her.. she read my mum's cards and somehow relating it back to me.. oh yes, I have not mention.. this lady could do predictions even without you physically sitting down there.. so the lady predicted that I have been struggling with my studies.. she mentioned that I was slacking.. and then she mentioned that I am in a relationship now.. and this is not my last one.. she said that there is still another relationship that i will or might have to go through.. I was totally tune off at that time.. I don't want to know nor hear anymore..

I choose to turn a deaf ear this time.. I choose not to believe.. I choose not to care.. I choose not to be a disciple anymore.. I choose not to be superficial.. knowing the future is good.. but somehow, when you stepped over the boarder line it starts to be scary.. it starts to be intimidating.. it starts to hurt cos you know something not right might happen.. I don't want anything coming in my way and ruin whatever that I have now.. I want to live life without any predictions.. if it happens just let it happen.. the only thing that I believed now is in fate.. I believe everything is fated.. but I just don't want to know anything any sooner before I experienced it on first hand..

Now I choose to walk away.. I choose not to listen.. go away..