nightmare that haunts..

have you ever have or had a dream which makes you wake up with tears rolling down your cheek? shivering with chills down your spine? perspiration of cold sweat all over you? well, I had one of those precise dreams last night.. it was not just any ordinary dreams.. it was a nightmare.. I used to dream that my family members or my loved ones who passed away in my dreams.. I hate dreams like these cos it hurts so much and I couldn't stop sobbing and crying after I wake up from that dream.. and last night was nothing on one's deathbed.. it was something disturbing and excruciating..

when we are in a relationship, we hope for the very best that we could fine and get from each other.. we cherished all the time that we have spent.. and we cherished almost every moment together.. last night was something heartrending because I dreamt that he left me and went back together with someone that I have much hatred in.. and the most cynical thing is, this is not the first time I have been dreaming about them.. whenever I have bad feelings, I will dream about this.. and this was the exact same dream that I have dreamt before.. call me oversensitive or hypersensitive.. but it was definitely not a coincidence..

last night I woke up with tears rolling down my cheeks.. I was breathing rather heavily.. I quickly grasp on to him who was lying right next to me.. he was sleeping soundly.. certainly not knowing of what I was dreaming of.. there were a sight of relief when I was able to feel his body temperature on mine.. and when I was still able to get hold of him close to me.. he was just right next to me.. lying down right next to me.. he did not leave me like how it were supposed to be in my nightmare.. but I was still terrified.. I did not like her from the first time that I know her.. there were so much hatred in me.. and till she appears to be in my nightmare..

is this what we call as our mind are playing tricks with us?

losing someone you love is not a good thing.. and losing someone you love to someone you despise most is the worse thing ever.. I really do hate her so much.. and don't tell me that she has done nothing wrong to me and I have no rights to hate her.. she have done so much that hurts me.. not physically but mentally wise.. I have every rights to hate every little inch of her.. this repulsion that I have will never subside.. it will seemingly be hiding behind walls at times.. but this hatred will never fade away..

this nightmare will just keep on haunting me..